Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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