Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
