you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
