Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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