I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
