After last night, I could never be a politician.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
