there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
This baby is an asshole
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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