the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
