At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
