apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize