Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
