My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
