i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
