we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
