so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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