think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
