Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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