Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
