Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
