Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
