I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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