Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
