You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
