why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
