so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
