I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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