It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
im on a boat
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