Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
