Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
