Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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