You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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