did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
