Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
