i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
