things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
