SEEEEXXX PLEASE
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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