My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
