I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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