You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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