I need help removing her.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
