a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
