I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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