Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
