You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
