she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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