The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
