The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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