ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
