pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
