Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
