if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
