I don't usually arrange sex via text message
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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