I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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