you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
