Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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