who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
