Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
