the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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