Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
