New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
