she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
