I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
did i walk over a car last night?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
