What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
